For past few weeks, I have been working on finishing my book. The project of writing the book passed two years, last month. It has been a collection of many moments, surprises, and big lessons.
This is kind of funny but the whole thing to write, required to learn the techniques and the stream of writing. It needs to be smooth, entertaining and as well meaningful. In the beginning, it is hard to learn that stuff, there are so many different resources, strategies. There is a reward for learning this stuff. Now when I have some problem or some unresolved thoughts, I turn to writing. Just like and an old friend that makes us comfortable, that you can express your feelings and be fine at the end.
One of the biggest things that speed up the process of learning was sitting down every morning with coffee or tea and writing few pages ( Julia Cameron, calls them morning pages). Whatever comes to your mind, you need to put into the paper. Big thing is that sometimes things that are on the back of your mind, unimportant stuff, glitter, are effectively are blocking you. But of you put the direct attention to them, it is very easy to overcome them.
For very long I got a fantastic to go for a woods and staying there to write. I have tried few times actually, and it ends up every time quite badly. Only now a few years later, I?m able to really stay at home, meditate and focus on what matters the most. And it still does not change the mechanics of writing. Sometimes it makes it a little easier, maybe sometimes harder. The work needs to be still done and if you can weed out all the things that do not matter and leave the stuff you care about, you become more productive by not dong the work – avoiding things that don?t need to be done.
I think that one of the things in this fantasies is that you if you are really focusing on writing you can write a lot in the very short amount of time. Every day have 24 hours, even if you spend half of them on writing, on average 600 words an hour you will write something around 7200 words a day – it is Hobbit in under 2 weeks. There are very few people who are able to withstand writing a 7 000 words a day, and even less that have mental fuel for that.
The alienation has sometimes very good point, you can focus on what you want to write about. Your intuition has the bigger impact on you, and this place when you know that you are alone in a way during meditation is one of the best things in the world for me. Maybe it is mainly about lowering what we are able to do when you are removing the sense of urgency and let the things speak for itself? Maybe it is extending the present moment, and increasing traction.
The book, in the beginning, was supposed to be a make something great and rather turned into understanding an effectiveness and solutions as a system. Not as a blueprint of steps but rather set of clues what the structure is. We have abilities to imagine whatever we would like to see or set a goal whatever we want, but it will have the very short lifespan. The big lead was in the special forces and how they are executing the task assigned to them. I have expected some solid strategies, but rather the underlying thing is, they are selected individuals, trained for very specific situations. There is no magic, but rather hundred and hundred of highly trained individuals, and necessary elements in the system. Just to give you a quick example, despite their job rate of divorce in Navy SEALs is one 90% and most of the spec ops have big time problems with PTSD, incomparably higher army. And the same time there it Israeli where the PTSD is less than 1%.
There is no magic for discovering potential, if you want to have some effects, you need to involve yourself and spend time and energy to find a solution. The main problem that you want to find potential is the capitalistic need for scaling or fame and it for almost sure will turn against you. More you involve yourself, more you will have to outlast, sustainable effect. On the another hand, trying to do just on the willpower and feelings is much more.
And the last thing maybe was my biggest fear, that if it will take off if some way I will be able to charge most of my time on the book, how I repeat it? How it will be possible to make this again. It leads to freaking out that I don?t really have any container for writing, it is a deeply intuitive thing. The author of the kite runner – Khaled Hosseini said that he wrote the big part of the book, in the mornings before going to work.
For me it is somehow impossible, to write this way. Maybe I’m writing much less and 2 weeks of pure focus on the book can get things done. It was funny to watch myself battling the very much inner thing to keep working, and that I can work thing out later. Something like your voice and instinct style is very much done by doing a lot of what you would like to distinct yourself with. Just like handwriting, the mechanisms are very the same. Sarah Jessica Parker in an interview with Alec Baldwin said that she basically become good in acting by doing a lot and having the ability to tap into it with little or no effort.
Maybe all the battle, it ends up with how much we are capable of putting our experiences with relation with others? Maybe it is not about how we can dilute yourself with a dream of having something but rather actual living with it and using it in the most compatible way with ourselves?
A few weeks ago I have could work anymore. I was blocked. Nothing was coming out of me. So I did little retrospective digging. I merged all the different versions of the book ( the first draft was in polish, then a year ago I have translated 40 000 words into English, and ever since I work on it). All the different versions of it when joined made a book over 300+ A4 pages long. It was over 100 000 words. Ant there were notes with a stack twice a big as that. Working on our ideas can seem pointless and worthless. But they are our ideas, and even it was spending time and money for nothing in business terms, it made me a little more present and mindful. And I?m coming a little closer to making it worth reading.